Unlike a broken heart money problems can be overcome

October Blog

By moving to France we have, to some extent, distanced ourselves from excessive consumerism and crazy credit as well as from the panic engulfing the US and UK as financial institutions topple like dominos.

This doesn’t make us immune, however, to financial insecurity. Food and fuel prices have rocketed here too and those of us with oil heating are dreading turning it on for winter. The euro value of sterling pensions or savings has been slashed, jobs are hard to come by and those trying to run their own business in France often live on a financial knife edge.

When debts start mounting while income dwindles, sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel appears just too far away and the future demands more energy than we believe we can muster.

Few of us can have failed to be shocked by the events at Osbaston House at the start of this school year.

Millionaire Christopher Foster shot dead his horses, dogs and even the chickens. He murdered his much-loved daughter, his wife and then, having barricaded the property, set it alight before returning to his wife’s side to shoot himself.

Time was running out; bailiffs were due the following day as Foster’s £2 million worth of debts were about to catch up with him.

So Foster displayed all the cowardice of the man who cannot face failure. And he showed love - albeit deranged and misguided - for his family (and pets) , by taking them with him rather than leave them to face the consequences without him. (Although his mother is still alive, and grieving.) While the Black Dog is with us, ending it all holds a fleeting attraction. If you love your family too much to leave it mother- (or father-) less, taking loved ones with you has a perverse logic.

But Foster was wrong. When a person kills themself over an irreparable (so they believe) broken heart or following a terrible tragedy or because they are terminally ill and in pain, the death is tragic, of course, especially for those left behind, but at least it is not banal.

But when a man (or woman, although women are less likely to kill themselves over money troubles) commits suicide over his debts (or a teenager over poor exam results) there is none of the poetry of a broken heart or tragic life; it is just plain pointless.

Unlike a broken heart or terminal illness, money problems (and bad results) can be overcome; they are not worth the ultimate sacrifice.

So what? you may be thinking. Millionaire tops himself because he can’t maintain his “must have” lifestyle. His daughter may have had to give up her horses and enter the local comp.
But are not all of us aboard the same consumer merry-go-round, just on a smaller scale?

We are likely to see much more money-related despair in coming months as house repossessions and job losses kick in; the ability to cope with “failure” will serve as an increasingly valuable life skill.

Like most of those who kill themselves over money problems, Foster had kept his debts secret from his friends and family.

According to UK debt counselling agencies - and they only see people whose debts are already pretty bad - one third of their files are marked “partner unaware”. It is bizarre that couples who may happily discuss how to raise their children or celebrate Christmas do not, or cannot, talk about their spending.

OK, we’ve all hidden a bag of new shoes from a partner and then pretended we’ve had them for ages. But seriously, it is secret money problems - like secret drinking, secret pornography, secret gambling - which destroy relationships, marriages, families - and lives.

Had he come clean, Foster would probably, have discovered that he had a practical wife who would have told him “we can get through this. Here’s what we do.” And a daughter who may have cried when her ponies had to be sold, but who would have grown up into a strong young woman able to tell the story of “When my Dad lost everything… and we survived.”

What matters is that you have health and you have loved ones - if you have these two you are already pretty damn well off. Foster’s tragedy was not his debts but that he had travelled too far along the path of despair, alone, to see sense.

Drink of hemlock, if you must, when your heart or body are broken. Not over a pile of IOUs.

Regular blog readers will remember how we took in, out of the kindness of our hearts, an English Setter who had been abandoned when his owner returned to the UK leaving the dog chained to the empty property.

And how does he repay us? Step forward eight adorable little pups, just born to the resident Golden Retriever.

They will be looking for loving homes soon. But, before you take on a(nother) dog, be sure you really want it - for life. Animal rescue workers report an increasing number of dogs being abandoned - literally left wandering empty houses or the streets in some cases - by Brits moving back to the UK. Before you offer to rehouse one of these dogs, or offer a home to a cute little puppy, read our new animal care and behaviour expert Jon Moir’s advice on page 18 of this issue.