Two solid months in the company of my darling teenagers and I have learnt new ways to waste my life. (It was my son, regular readers will remember, who got me hooked on the Game Cube). This summer’s technology briefing began when my daughter asked “have you heard of David Bowie?” Heard of him? David Bowie?
Ziggy Stardust and Aladdin Sane were my youth. Prettiest Star was “our ( first boyfriend) song”. Rebel Rebel, Jean Genie... Space Oddity. Fashion... Changes.
“Ok, calm down, mum. Show us.” Which is how I was introduced to the addictive, time wasting sport of summoning up clips on You Tube. We exhausted the Bowie concerts. Waded through the entire repertoire of Talking Heads - children now rolling their eyes and yawning.
Then I found the Stones in Berlin (Urban Jungle tour - still have the t-shirt)
“Look - maybe you’ll spot me in the audience! As the offspring fled in horror, I whiled away the rest of the week watching my youth flash by in a series of video clips.
To distract me (and get their hands back on the computer) they made me test my brain age on the Nintendo DS. (a software originally designed to help oldies exercise their grey matter but now a big hit with the Gameboy generation.) Triumph! Despite the machine insisting it could not understand my perfectly good BBC English, and despite being too slow on the buttons, I came out years below my real age. (This is good. ) You are meant to re-test yourself daily so you get better and your brain age goes down until it reaches the “optimum” 20 years old.
Here’s a tip for adults: on no account allow your children to test your brain age late in the evening and with half a bottle of wine inside you. It soars to 80+ and provides them with endless mirth. (It’s already bad enough that you have to put your reading glasses on to see the screen.)
You Tube and DS brain tests are self-inflicted distractions, however. The endless pings of emails, junk mails, burblings of the Skype phone, flashing lights to indicate texts, beeps to let you know you have voicemail , the pop-ups on websites are a daily assault of distractions which make it virtually impossible to concentrate on work - or leisure.
Soon after arriving in Fleet Street I was handed one of the very first “portable” phones - about the size of a small bag of shopping. After the thrill of calling everyone I knew just to tell them I was ringing from the car! I immediately recognised the newfangled mobile as a Bad Thing. No more going blissfully AWOL on a story - the editor could track you down anywhere, any time.
Now everyone thinks they can track anyone down, any time and nobody can wait five minutes for a reply. Have you noticed how many people call your home number, leave a message saying they are now going to try your mobile. They leave a message on the mobile telling you they have just left a message on your landline. Then they send a text alerting you to the messages already left, try Skyping and then immediately send an email saying they are increasingly concerned that they can’t get hold of you and are you OK? Can you get back to them urgently, please.
That’s at least half a dozen communications and they’ll start the whole round of calls all over again in half an hour’s time.
It takes an enormous effort of will to ignore all this and concentrate on writing an article or reading a book or talking to your family. Indeed, alarmist research from America says we are now so overwhelmed by distractions that we may soon lose altogether the ability for deep concentration.
If you can’t ignore the rings and beeps the only other option is to hide, out of earshot, at the bottom of the orchard or swim out to sea.
But you’ll pay for it. If just a handful of people have been trying to get hold of you in the meantime, that’ll be 120 messages, minimum, to wade through when you get back - and before you can double check your brain age, run a You Tube clip and wind down with a quick blast on the Game Cube.
No wonder the only time I get to read a book is when the rest of the world is asleep.
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